How to find a good spouse?

Note: This text was written for women, but can equally be applied by men.

Our Lord and His holy Mother are the primary source of aid for such matters. It is best to not seek too hard for him because if you will not leave room for God’s providence then you will not find it. Concentrate rather on your self spiritual improvement.

Then ask yourself: “Can I see him as the father of my children?” You should find that this narrows it down to perhaps one or two.

Now, imagine him as an old man with a wrinkled face and stooped over. Would you want to be at this man’s side? If so, then indeed there is something of God’s hand in this relationship because the madness of the flesh disappears at six months from marriage. In rare cases this madness disappears in or one year or in a year and a half in exceptional cases.

Next, observe him around girls or women with whom he is not interested in having a relationship, like a sister or feeble or old women. How does he behave around them? Here you will see his true character.

Also, try not to concentrate too much on an attractive look but rather on someone who can lead you further and can comfort you. Of course, you must be able to provide the same thing for him in the long run.

Finally, make sure he is someone who is making an honest attempt to lead a spiritual life in the Church, someone who is fighting to overcome his passions and to correct his defects, no matter how large or small they may be. Make sure he is someone who is a true Christian.

Based on St. John Chrysostom, St. Paisios the Athonite, Father Dumitru Staniloae

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