Often, husbands come and ask us how to behave toward their wives.
Of course, this topic is, in the last analysis, a personal theme between you and your spiritual father (priest) but some general problems can be explained which, if resolved, we could avoid a lot of quarrels.
The wife must know that she is loved
The wife needs to be assured by first hand that she is loved dearly and for this she needs concrete evidence. When was the last time you told her you loved her? No, it is not enough for her to “guess”. You have to tell her up front and, above all, in all honesty. She is a mother, whether she has children or not, and she needs security for herself and for her children, especially if these children really exist.
The biggest gift you can make to your wife and family in general is your time, your attention. If you do not give time, any other gift – which must exist – is not enough. You must listen to what they have to say, not in order to know how to press them to do your will diplomatically but to really help them. The family needs our protection, not our tyranny.
No observations in public
Never make observations to your wife in public. It is a big lack of delicacy. Always in the evening, in a moment of tenderness you will tell her with much kindness not how bad she was, but how you would do better from now on.
No praises to others
Never praise someone else in front of your wife, especially another woman and especially for beauty. The wife must feel that she is unique, that she is your queen. Otherwise big problems will come sooner or later.
You will always decide important family issues with her. You will not decide with someone else, even if you are used to it, or you think it is better because in this way the couple will break up. Your wife will be very upset when she finds out from third parties that you have decided something without her knowledge. One of the classic problems of couples arises when decisions are made with your mother instead of the wife. The issue of mother-in-law is one of the thorniest in terms of good relations between husband and wife.
Anger = keep silence
When you are angry, do not open your mouth. Let the dark wave of anger pass and when your mind clears then you will discuss. In fact, then you will see that in most cases things will work out for themselves.
How to behave toward one’s wife
In a word, you must continually offer love to your wife because she is a vessel of love. Your wife rewards you thousands of times more than what you give to her: either your love or your indifference.
Based on Elder Joseph of Vatopedi
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