How to find a good spouse?
Note: „How to find a good spouse?” is a question which is often asked by women. That’s why this text was written for women, but can equally be applied by men.
- First of all, pray to find a good spouse.
Our Lord and His holy Mother are the primary source of aid for such matters. It is best to not seek too hard for him because if you will not leave room for God’s providence then you will not find it. Concentrate rather on your self spiritual improvement.
- “Can I see him as the father of my children?”
Then ask yourself: “Can I see him as the father of my children?” You should find that this narrows it down to perhaps one or two.
- Imagine him as an old man
Now, imagine him as an old man with a wrinkled face and stooped over. Would you want to be at this man’s side? If so, then indeed there is something of God’s hand in this relationship because the madness of the flesh disappears at six months from marriage. In rare cases this madness disappears in or one year or in a year and a half in exceptional cases.
- Observe him around girls or women with whom he is not interested in having a relationship
Next, observe him around girls or women with whom he is not interested in having a relationship, like a sister or feeble or old women. How does he behave around them? Here you will see his true character.
- Do not concentrate too much on an attractive look
Also, try not to concentrate too much on an attractive look but rather on someone who can lead you further and can comfort you. Of course, you must be able to provide the same thing for him in the long run.
- The spiritual life
Finally, make sure he is someone who is making an honest attempt to lead a spiritual life in the Church, someone who is fighting to overcome his passions and to correct his defects, no matter how large or small they may be. Make sure he is someone who is a true Christian.
Based on St. John Chrysostom, St. Paisios the Athonite, Father Dumitru Staniloae
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Si daca anii au trecut, de acum au aparut copilasii care sunt mari si abia acum vezi cum priveste la femeile din jur? Ba mai mult, neaga ca ar exista o problema? Cand zilele devin tot mai tacute.. Atunci oare ce vom face?…gandesc ca lacrimi si rugaciune..alta cale nu-i..ma ierte Stapana
Thank you very much for this site and possibility to discuss. Currently I am almost desperate to find the best girl for me, so long time passed, but maybe because I didn’t know what I want – your monastery is so close to my heart, but leaving so many years in the world (my last visit to Mt. Athos is before 7-8 years) I start to think that is better to leave children, if God’s will, (maybe some of them will become monks) because I am alone. I know this is connected with many cares, but in the name of love (if I find it) this is worth. So please pray for me to find my way.
Also you must pray for this. Ask Christ to help to find your path. He will help you but the first step must be yours. Remember, Christ said: „I am standing at the door knocking…”
God Bless You!
Is it better to live for God as a single woman or a single man (without any relationship) in the world?
The correct answer is: Discuss this with your spiritual father.
See, being alone perhaps you can dedicate better to God, on the other side there are a LOT of traps ahead (flesh, singularity, our egoism etc.).
That’s why, generally, the Holy Fathers gave two main paths to follow: monasticism and family.
Thank you very much for your answer.
God Bless You All!